An Ode To Spam

It was my hope today that I would launch into some spring fashion material now that I am at home and the sun here in Scotland is staying up until nearly five o'clock in the evening! 

But alas, the unpacking process is not going as smoothly as I would like. This is for two reasons. Numero uno is that the lovely bottle of Haute Savoië Mondeuse that we brought back form France decided to spring a leak in our ski gear bag. Oddly, our ski gear doesn't smell any different to when we are wearing it. Tee-hee. Snort.

The other reason is that we are currently renovating our kitchen, and my house looks like this.



So instead, I have decided to take a moment to pay tribute to the lesser-lauded giants of the internet; the Spammers. A while ago, I moved to a moderated format for my comments so that people didn't have to deal with the coded message robot when leaving a comment. What I never expected was the side-splittingly delicious entertainment that my moderator's spam folder would provide me with. So without further ado, I give you a new segment, created with actual comments sent to me by actual spammers....


The Highland Fashionista Responds: An Ode To Spam
First Edition
"I think that everything posted made a ton of sense. However, what about this? suppose you were to write a killer headline? I am not suggesting your content isn't solid., however suppose you added something that makes people want more? I mean "New Today!" is a little boring. You should look at Yahoo's front page and see how they create article titles to grab people interested. You might add a related video or a related pic or two to grab readers interested about what you've written. In my opinion, it would make your posts a little bit more interesting. Here is my weblog ... low price michael kors handbags." 
     - Anonymous (posted on a "New Today" announcement for one of my new Etsy items) 

Oh no you di-int!!  

My Dearest Anonymous, 

While I certainly appreciate anyone visiting my blog, perhaps the best way to endear oneself to the point of actually getting your "Michael Kors" handbags link up on my site is to not be such a bloody backseat blogger and keep your big nose out of my "headlines", as you call them.  Although I daresay I have a certain amount of appreciation for your unique blend of ESL sentence structure with more than a hint of contempt for the person you are pitching your product to.  Not to mention your creative use of punctuation. Not everyone can achieve this. Reading your comment is kind of like watching a baby take its first few steps toward you before it swiftly kicks you in the shins. So I guess what I am trying to say is...well done. Consider me grabbed interested. 

Respectfully, 

HF

______________________________________________________________________________

"Thanks in favor of sharing such a good opinion, paragraph is nice, thats why i have read it fully Also visit my website nfl shadow jerseys throw back nfl jerseys"    
                                                                                                                  - Anonymous
"Hello to every one, the contents present at this website are actually awesome for people knowledge, well, keep up the good work fellows. Here is my web site ... cheap nfl jerseys" 
                                                                                                                  - Anonymous 
                                                                         both posted to Hotel Room Yoga and Other Glamourous Endeavours 


sigh

Hello Again Anonymous,

It seems that we are destined to keep meeting in this way. While I am somewhat encouraged to see that you no longer appear to be internalising suppressed anger, I am less certain about your enthusiastic claim to have read my "paragraph" fully.  Although I would never dare to accuse you of not having done your homework, your greeting to "every one" of the "fellows" here at Highland Fashionista leads me to believe that not only is something lacking with your "people knowledge",  there also might be something seriously wrong with your eyesight. Please see an optometrist at your earliest convenience.

Concerned,
HF

_________________________________________________________________________________

"Today, I went to the beachfront with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said "You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone! Visit my web blog - michael kors chain tote" 
- Anonymous (posted on another  "New Today" announcement for one of my new Etsy items) 


......

Anonymous.... 


I......

You....

Wow. Okay. Thanks for sharing. I trust you did not put the crab into your "Michael Kors" handbag. 

Sincerely, 
HF. 


Comments

  1. Hah! As this has been an area of particular annoyance for me lately, I'm very much enjoying your takedowns.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I must admit, I LOLed at "people knowledge". The lengths these spammers go to is simultaneously pathetic, hilarious and aggravating.

    I'd also like to say yours is, come to think of it, the only fashion blog I really read, (most I've found have either no substance, or no relatable content). So don't let those spammers slow you down! I always look forward to your insight and sassy rhetoric. (:

    -Ellie

    ReplyDelete
  3. That Anonymous sure does get around. S/he has hit me too, though not with anything as charming as the hermit crab lead in.

    ReplyDelete
  4. When I first started blogging I really thought they were for real. It is funny and Michael Kors must be desperate. :)

    Don't let them get you down.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Do you think it's possible, that spammers are of a very different and undiscovered species?
    It's the only explanation I can come up with. I can only admire you for turning them into a humorous post. Keep up the great work :)
    Miranda
    SF Bay Area

    ReplyDelete

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