Oscar YAWN Dresses

Okay, I know I am late to the party. Everyone has already been on about it for a few days now, and that’s fine. But you’re just going to have to put up with it one more time….from me.

Oscar Dresses.

You know, I wasn’t even going to bother until I read the New York Times. They did an article on Oscar “fashion” that made the very astute observation that in this day and age of stylists, and the stylists-to-the-stylists of the stylists, the celebrity-paralyzing fear of widely – publicized best and worst-dressed lists have spurred a trend of anti-fashion, if you will, pressing the throngs of stylists into playing it safe with their clients. They cited the “Old Hollywood” look as the go-to look that is in play currently, and that the creativity, risk-taking, and the sometimes venturing a bit over the edge of Oscar fashion of Days Gone by (think Cher in her Bob Mackie) are a thing of the past, save for a likes of a brave few like Tilda Swinton (who the HF loves by the way). Behold some past examples.

Tilda Swinton in Haider Ackerman

In Christian LaCroix

New York Times,  I couldn’t agree with your stance more if it fell out of the sky, into my lap, and started to wiggle. And although I did not watch the live show (Scotland people, that's a nine hour time difference), I realized after my internet viewing that it is this same red carpet, stylist-dependent boredom that made me feel like I, who love all things fashion, did not want to even bother blogging about the Oscar dresses. The irony is that there was no shortage of couture on the Oscar carpet. Emma Stone looked like she was being swallowed whole by her Giambattista Valli.

First, it wraps itself around your neck.
 Then,  every time you exhale, it squeezes
just a little tighter until you pass out.
Love the colour though.

Michelle Williams looked positively lovely in her orange Louis Vuitton, albeit as usual,  I would have liked to see her push the envelope a wee bit more. Yes, a non-traditional color makes a splash (which she does well again and again), but now lets take it one step further and really make it yours. Make it different. Somehow this peplum just looked a little limpid to me. Maybe it’s a fabric thing. Maybe a few contrasting or enameled luxe bangles instead of the wee choker, the balance just is off somehow. Maybe just a big, crazy pair of earrings and a cocktail ring. And that clutch is a non-event. And that necklace is kind of disappearing….. Anyway.


 Indeed, when I look at these red carpet looks, I seem to find myself consistently dreaming up ways they could have just pushed it a little bit more; from a pretty dress into a point of view. I wish that they had been able to make us see who they are instead of who their stylists think they are.  Basically, I want them to make it into fashion. I mean, this is the Oscars and they are in the entertainment industry.  If there was ever a time to bust out your most forward-looking, check-out-this-crazy-ass-but-luxuriously-fab-dress, its there. Uta Haugen would have called it Changes of Self, for you actor-y types….to take on a different feeling/persona when you change your clothes or costume. I would think that we would expect more from our actors. (Do it for Uta, actors. Do it for Uta). But instead, we get the same Old Hollywood Glamour. Okay, we get it. You’re a serious actress/singer/musician/model/whatever. You want everyone to respect you for your craft. You want to be pretty. But when I look at this…

Stacy Keibler in Marchesa.
Great fit. Lovely cut. Old Hollywood hair.

I think “oh, ..thats nice…what a nicely-cut pretty ZZZzzzzzz.” And then my husband usually has to elbow me in the ribs and I will jolt awake and wipe the drool off my chin. (I have this particular issue with Stacy Keibler of late, who in her recent appearances with The Clooney, is looking more and more like she has been manufactured in a lab. The same one that puts the little gold wrappers on the Rolo candies, by the looks of things).

Now look at this.

Again in Haider Ackerman.
Old Hollywood elements of satin and chiffon
and yet.....different.
Love the hair.

See? Just that wee bit different. Elegant, pretty color, but you could hardly call her cookie-cutter. You might accidentally call her David Bowie with that hair, but still.

Anyway. I would be remiss if I did not also give this next topic a mention. I give you, exhibit A. The Thing Everybody Was Talking About.

Booo-ring.  Yes, it is a lovely Versace dress, and that split makes it just a wee bit special.  But its just a split skirt, people. Hell, that is a dress that I would probably bring with me on a cruise ship. Nice and flowy and easy to walk in, and you can eat yourself stupid at the midnight buffet and not have to worry about it. But seriously, for the Oscars? I know that Branjolina like their neutrals, that they have that same fashion aesthetic as a granite and stainless steel kitchen from last month’s Architechtural Digest…all smooth, cold, and sharp. And they look fantastic, don’t get me wrong, but can you imagine what that dress would have looked like in a deep teal, scarlet, fuschia, or, if you really want to be a slave to the latest red carpet trend, yellow? I’m sure Donatella would have been happy to do this in a color. I mean for goodness sake, we know what else Signora V is capable of.

Take me to your leader. 

Oh NO you di-int!
Versace Spring Couture

I rest my case. Also, we need to for cryin' out loud talk about that leg. That leg made it necessary for her to pose all night long in a sort of awkward, leggy-sticky-outy-way that looks like it may be gearing-up for a phosphate enema.

That's great Angie, hows about giving us a
few more poses for the folks at home?

Oh! Okay...great. How about something more casual?
Try playing with it....have fun. Just pretend I'm not here...

Okaaaaay. Great. Yeah...I can really see
what you did with your hair that time.

If you, like me, found this even remotely amusing, do check out this link. Apparently this has gone viral on the internet. Quality. 

So. Who got it right? Well, on that , I can agree with the majority.

The Winner.
Bring it Gwyneth..... Bring. It. 

Gwynnie in her Tom Ford looked amazing. She has just the right build for this dress, and love or hate the cape part, it really is different, but still elegant, if not just a wee bit retro. Totally Tom Ford. Who, in case you are just tuning-in, the Highland Fashionista loves. So well done Gwyneth! You look amazing. The Highland Fashionista commends your cape. It is the cape of royalty, and you do have that regal aura about you. It may have been controversial for some, not everyone’s cup of tea, but it has a definite point of view.  It’s fashion. Go girl. I'm sorry, Go Your Highness. Work it.


  1. Totally agree with you re : Tilda Swinton ; she looks so at ease in her own skin that you just want to be her ! I'm going to check out that Angie's leg link straight away !
    Great post !

    1. The Angie's leg thing was great for me for two reasons: as a reminder of how very contrived the red carpet can actually be....(oh this old thing? I just threw it on!), and also as a reminder of how very clever John Q Public can be.


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