Call for Submissions: Wardrobe Malfunction Essay Competition
Have you ever looked down at your feet midway through your work day only to find that you're wearing two different shoes? Do you keep an emergency sewing kit in your handbag after inadvertently mooning the entire office Christmas party when your Marc Jacobs skirt decided to suddenly give way? Fret not gentle reader. This is your moment.
It is with great pride that I am announcing the first-ever Highland Fashionista essay competition. The subject? Wardrobe malfunctions. This is your chance to share with the world your tales of woe. Nip slips, cheek peeks - nothing is off limits. Here are the rules.
- Anyone can enter. Just be aware that those of us who have been on the planet for 40+ years have had that much more time to perfect the art of ripping our pants and falling off of barstools in slippery tights. We've been practicing, so you'd better bring your A-game.
- Tell your story in 700 words or less, in any way you see fit. Short stories, poems (yes, even Haiku, although if you ask me that's kind of a cop-out), song lyrics...it's all good.
- It doesn't have to have happened to you directly, but if you are going to write about something you witnessed, get permission and/or change names to protect the innocent!
- If you prefer to write under a pen name, feel free. If it's that embarrassing, it's gonna be good!
- Your piece should have a title. Because titles are awesome.
- Submit your masterpiece in an email (either in-body or as an attachment) to firstname.lastname@example.org, with "Wardrobe Malfunction Essay Contest" in the subject line. Please include your name and email address within the body of the email.
- Deadline for submissions is July 31st at Midnight, GMT.
In addition to the international literary fame and global adoration that will accompany having your work published on this site, the winner will receive a gift bag, filled with some of my very favourite beauty products that have been featured right here on the blog.
The Prize Gift Box
Percy & Reed No Oil Volumising Hair Oil - Real Aqua Velvet Sleeping Pack (an awesome night treatment from Korea) - Cover Girl Remarkable Washable Waterproof Mascara (last seen here) - La Roche Posay Anthelios SPF 50 tinted BB Cream (last seen here) - Lux foaming jewellery cleaner - Boots SkinClear Oil Absorbing Sheets blotting papers - PureDerm Kiwi Yogurt Pack facial mask (Korea) (last seen here) - Pure Derm Lavender Collagen sheet mask (Korea)
and probably some other stuff too...
and probably some other stuff too...
Need some help getting started? Allow me to make the first move by providing an example.
Little Miss Hastypants
by Kristin Buchholz-MacKillop
Back when I was in graduate school, my one big financial concession (in a time of relative austerity) was a membership to the fancy local tennis club. It was a great place, with multiple clay courts, a bar...the works. I played women's rotating league every Tuesday and Thursday morning as a matter of routine, and looked forward to it immensely every week.
On the morning in question, I was running late, and did not want to keep the group waiting. Because laundry was never high on my list of priorities, I ended up running around the apartment looking for my favourite tennis skirt, finally finding it right where I'd left it, in the dryer. In a flurry, I pulled it on, grabbed my racquet bag, laced-up my shoes, and ran out the door.
We had a lively doubles match that day - a real squeaker. Every game seemed to go do deuce, and it looked like we were headed for the dreaded tie break to settle the second set. Both teams were insanely focused because it was getting to the end of the league season, and our scores each week were being tallied-up for the big final playoff at the end of the season.
My partner was serving, and I was at the net. It was break point (that's 40-30 to us, in case you don't follow the sport), and I had just hit a running cross-court return that landed just outside the line (yet another unforced error), bringing the game to deuce.
As I walked back to my position at the net, I noticed a commotion on the other side of the court. The opposing team was pointing at something on our side of the court.
"Is that yours?" I heard my parter ask from behind me.
I turned around to look at what by this time, everyone on the court was focused on, and saw my partner pointing to something white sitting in the middle of the court. I approached, and upon closer inspection, recognised a pair of my underwear. And not a cute pair either. An old, white stripey cotton pair that were ancient, and that I usually save for...well...you know.
Yes. They were mine. But...how!? I could not understand how my underwear had fallen off during our set without my knowing. But they must have, because they were right there. But then, I was wearing a tennis skirt with built-in briefs underneath, making it virtually impossible...but still...
Then it dawned on me.
I had pulled-on my tennis skirt straight from the dryer, and the underpants had to have been stuck up inside my tennis skirt the entire time. How this had happened without me feeling them in there is a bit beyond my comprehension, but there it is. They had hitched a ride...all the way to the second set of a really close match. Which incidentally, we ended up losing. No surprise there. We were too busy laughing during the tie break to make it stick.