Ah, yes. Here I am, giving it my best Donald Trump face under my mop of unruly hair. I'm starting to realize why the GOP presidential candidate is always so pissed-off at the world; when your hair is constantly trying to stand up and assert itself while you're just trying to go about your day, it can get pretty exhausting. He must be constantly on edge, wondering when that next gust of wind might come out of nowhere and blow that cheese puff-colored, cotton candy mop into something an egret might want to nest in. Comparatively, I have it easy.
Over the last few months, I've been asked a few times to do a post about my hair. In the past, I've done the odd post about my choice to stop dyeing my hair, but lately I've had more than one reader request a hair post, and quite frankly, I have no idea what to do with the request.
Because here's the thing - I do very little to my hair. In fact, I do criminally little to my hair. I'm the girl who, on a rare night out, figures out what she will wear, gets dressed, does her makeup, and with whatever time she has left, the hair gets done. This usually means a hasty blow-dry and a few handfuls of frizz serum, or if I've really planned ahead, maybe a quick smooth-down with a curling or straightening iron. But let me tell you, those days are as rare as a platinum-plated unicorn with gills. When it comes to hair, I'm the worst ever, and the last person who should be dishing-out advice.
So instead, I've decided to respond to this request for a hair post with a hair diary (which my interpretive text tried to change to "hair dirty" just now, which is more appropriate than it will ever know). So here are a few typical "days in the life" of my poor hair. Prepare to be disgusted.
Feb 3, 2016
12:00 pm: Decide to take blog post photos, brush-out unwashed hair.
17:46 pm: Work out time. Hair up.
Feb 4, 2016
0030 am: Night shift. Allowed hair to air dry after workout and pulled it back. Did not wash.
0845: Post night shift dog walk in hat. Go to bed after.
1600: Wake up and work out.
1800: Shower. Washed hair. You're welcome. Added Kevin Murphy Young Again Serum.
February 5, 2016
0120: Back at work. Pulled clean hair back, still wet.
0815: Let down hair from night shift and brush. Still a bit damp (12 hours later). Go to bed.
That's pretty much how it goes when I'm working, and even when I'm not. Of course there are the odd variations on the theme…but these are my three main plays when I'm not wearing it up.
So that's basically it. As far as style secrets, there pretty much are none. I try to wash it as infrequently as I can get away with, and when I do wear it up, I try to use something soft to tie it back (like a hideous old-school scrunchie or something). I wish I had something more for you here. I wish I had some sort of exotic routine to share - some kind of rare nut oil that I get imported from the Caribbean that is guaranteed to change your hair game once and for all, but I don't.
You'll let me know if something like that comes into existence, won't you?